Why I masturbate?
Masturbation cures stress so they said, but my reason for masturbating is way beyond relieving stress, maybe for the pleasure or the addictions of it and recently no man has been able to satisfy my sexual urge or calm my temple down no matter how skilled he is.
I started masturbating at the age of nine, it wasn’t of my will, but the will of Zainab, that lives in our compound. Zainab was the first child of Alhaji Sule and Iyawo Suki, and my classmate, friend and neighbour. Zainab started coming to our house when my parents both became busy to take care of us leaving us to the care of our neighbour’s daughter, that was when the journey of masturbation started.
That faithful Thursday, when bathing me I remembered her inserting her finger(s) into the wall of my temple, as a little child I had no idea what was going on, painful at first but the pleasure that followed was what I couldn’t phantom, even with the warning of not telling my parents or she will deal with me, I had no intention of doing such. Who wouldn’t sweet or ice cream when given on a free plate?
Days turned to weeks, to months and she didn’t stop, I graduated from watching her work on me to working on her, she was naive, so the touching was all she knew, nothing more nothing less. Unfortunately for me, they relocated out of the country.
For days I tried stopping my self, but the more I tried the more I kept craving for my self and Zainab, there was nothing I could do about it, even my mom couldn’t stop me, always busy with her work, my Dad comes once in 4 Months, so free as a bird.
I decided to try it out alone, at first I was scared, scared of not getting the same pleasure she game to me, scared of not vibrating and feeling tired after the end, anyway I still tried out and it was the best, best of it all, that I couldn’t wait to try out the next day. I graduated from once a day to multiple times a day, I couldn’t stay without touching my self, to make matter worst, I touch my self in school, in church, at work and everywhere I find my self and I if I can’t find a place I become cranky and annoying to anyone that comes my way that moment.
It’s been 26 years of me masturbating, I want to stop, I want to know the feeling of a man, don’t get my wrong, I sex, but nothing can be compared with the feeling of me touching my self.
I hope you see this, I can’t say I am mad at what you turned me into, all know is that I miss you, I crave for your touch as an adult, the 9 years girl you knew then is different now, I want to feel what it is like to have to explore my body with your hands just like old times, even if it’s just once I don’t mind going any length to have it.
But you have destroyed my life with that single act, and I wish I can forgive you, I hate and want you at the same time, which is annoying the hell out of me. I heard you are married, how did you enjoy S. E. X with your husband, hopefully I will be getting married to my crush this year, I hope he understood and be patient with me.
Before I forget I am no longer Bella but DiaryOfa Short Girl. Please write to me soon.